I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
