i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
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I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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