I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
