I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Michael Bay diarrhea
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
