Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
