Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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