Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
