You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
