What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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