I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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