I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
