I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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