I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
