tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
