what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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