Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
