The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i think my cat just said my name.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
