His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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