I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
