It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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