you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
