in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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