you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
