I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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