come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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