this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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