In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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