you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
