By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
