I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
