Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
