Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
