I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
