The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
