We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
