sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
