i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
