I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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