I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
