He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am mentally ready for anal.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
