you didnt know i had herpes?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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