this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Randomize
