oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
