This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize