This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize