I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize