U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
