and she was petting her beer can
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
