Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
