I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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