So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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