I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
bring money and cleavage
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
