Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
