i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
