Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
