If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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