how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
