look no pants
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I enjoy the company of your penis
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
