erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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