are you still at the devil's house?
did you get engaged???
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
