Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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