Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there was a trapeze. enough said
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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