so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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