I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
