Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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