So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
