I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
