She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
