If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
